home madness

Wednesday, we put an offer on a house in North Salt Lake in the evening. That night, the seller countered by raising $2K but leaving in all the appliances we asked for and maintaining paying closing costs. We accepted so we are under contract for the end of next month! More details as they develop.

Brian the baker

I am letting my first ever from-scratch bread (some French-style-ish) rise before I bake it. I just made butter using only cream, Kosher salt, and my Magic Bullet. I am pretty stoked to eat my bread - I bet it will be good.

Tired

I thought about writing this in the family blog, but I don't think I have it in me. I am just really tired of some things. I am tired of how we treat each other in my family - and I especially mean me. I think I am most tired of how I treat others in my own family. I feel like I am a totally different person when contrasted to how I acted growing up, but my family wouldn't know it. The instant I get around people in my family, I revert to hormonal, pubescent me, and it kills me. I am so sick of not knowing how to be what I consider the real me around people I ought to be closest to. I feel like I have pushed away my family for my entire life - never letting them see what is actually happening inside me.

The reasons are many, I'm sure, and I have thought of some and probably missed several. But the reasons are inconsequential, I think. Carrie has seen me for real, and she hasn't even left yet. Credit that woman with some patience - and then whatever it is that keeps her around after the patience has been worn away to the bone. I have some friends who have seen some real parts of me. I have had some therapists see real bits of me. But I don't feel like I have ever opened up to my family any substantial part of me.

I am really tired of not being able to get along with my siblings. I don't know where the need to compete and argue with them comes from, but I freaking hate it. I am filled with regret every time I have some heated argument about some crap that could not matter less. Why do I waste that time? Where does it come from? Is it because there is some unspoken set of rules that dictates we must be complete jerks to each other? I feel like I can disagree with Chanda and be totally fine with it - like I don't have to win. At least most of the time. But with everyone else (except Cherish - we should hang) I feel this need to win the conversation - even if it starts about some menial topic with no sides at all to take. I feel this pressing need to be accepted and respected and maybe feared or something, and I feel the struggle to be some mysterious "someone" around my family - and it honestly makes no real sense to me. I can see where some of it comes from, like I said, but I don't understand why.

Maybe I'm not alone in feeling some of these things, but whether anyone else feels happy or sad, vindicated or guilty, makes no difference to the fact that I feel downright shameful about some of the things I have done and said to my own blood. I bring this up, because I don't know how strong the blood tie even feels to me at this point. I don't feel really close to any of my siblings or parents. I feel like I want to, but I'm not actually there. I feel like for so much of my life I discounted and discredited things that matter so much more than things I aggrandized. I thought that a well-thought-out logical defense of a point trumped emotions. I have been such a douche. I need to talk to all of my siblings and parents and apologize to them. Sure, there are things that still smart from experiences with all of them, but I have no business waiting for an apology before I apologize. I don't want to put out a blanket apology on here - that seems so petty and cheap.

I think it would be cool to be actually close with my family - the way I want to be. I admit that I feel a little paralysis in thinking about actually making the jump to be where I would like to be with my family. I admit it is pretty lame that I am blogging about this. I admit I am a wuss. I feel pathetic and weak by not being able to just buck up and make things right and good between me and my family. I don't want to say that is wrong or right - only that I am feeling those things. I definitely feel like I am not getting anywhere in this chain of thought anymore, so I will just stop.

Pictures from yesterday

Here are the pictures from yesterday's ride. The other dude is my buddy Matt Schroeder, and the red Honda Super Hawk is his. The orange bike is another friend's (Adam), and it is the Kawasaki ZX-7R he is letting me borrow for a while. Enjoy!

This clearly shows the snow that blocked our path a few miles up the Alpine Loop. Hence the thumb pointed downward.



Matt and his bike.



A little Utah Valley view action below us at the Squaw Peak Overlook.


Behold the 90's!

I love t-shirts

So I always have ideas for T-shirts. If anyone has any feedback, I would love it. Here are two - unless I think of any others:

I'm not from Utah

Miltantly Moderate

Here is one of my favorite T-shirts of all time. Enjoy!

Lots of milk before today's entree

This morning I went for the most awesome ride of my short riding career. Riding my foolish buddy's Kawasaki ZX-7R 750cc bullet bike, I met up with a friend at a local gas station and headed out for some brisk canyon air.

First stop was Squaw Peak Road - and by "stop" I mean dashing up the mountain. It was some kinda crazy because there was the occasional gravel, and I haven't actually been all the way up the road in at least a year and a half. I took it easy on every turn because a) I am new to this thing, b) there could be gravel, c) there could be people or suicidal longboarders and d) I am new.

I got to lean over good and far - and that is awesome. I was deluded into thinking that I was over far enough to be able to scrape my knee if I were to stick it out. My friend, Matt, told me, "no." The air was crisp enough to keep the engine very cool even without the fan - I would have to stop for a while to get the engine anywhere beyond warm. At the top of the mountain - well, at the overlook parking lot - the bikes looked glorious together. Well, they looked like relics from the mid-90's in their bright orange and red paint. My wrists were already aching, but I had a ways to go.

I followed Matt down the mountain, and it was mildly frightening. It was so much steeper going down the mountain on a bike than ever before - except that time in a Jeep with bad brakes. For those who don't know, Squaw Peak Road twists up the side of a mountain just East of North Provo. The road has no guardrail, and it has lots of what rally drivers call "exposures." This means cliffs next to the road that mean certain levels of dismemberment at least - but more likely death. This is where the fear and the carefulness came from. People ride and drive and skate it all the time, and I never hear of people getting hurt. That said, I have considered killing some brazenly stupid skaters with a well-timed smack. Actually, just a really hard smack at any time. But I digress.

From the bottom of Squaw Peak Road, we zipped farther into the canyon to the road that leads up to the Alpine Loop and past Sundance. Heading down Provo Canyon was intense. The road was very bumpy, and sitting down through all that was a little unnerving at the speeds we were going. So I stood up just a little bit, and suddenly the bike settles down, I stopped bouncing, and the game got less interesting - which was good at this juncture.

At last we past the tunnel and turned on the road we were aiming for. Matt was still leading, so he was setting a pace that was both comfortable and challenging. It was pretty cool. I left the bike in third at about 60 mph or so when I slowed enough to check. The scenery was beautiful, but the stream was off the opposite side of the road, so I didn't get a glimpse until on the way down. We slowed slightly as we passed the resorts and camping areas and stuff, and we got up to the gate to the famed Alpine Loop. Which was closed save for a small opening for hikers and bikers. And us.

The first few hundred yards were littered with pine cones - thickly. Pine cones are in the same neighborhood as wet leaves, but a few blocks away from ball bearings. Then we came to our first large branch across the road followed by a big patch of snow blocking progress for the weak. We slowed down and slipped through a narrow gap in the snow. The road was narrow and smattered with branches and pine cones and the occasional snow patch, but as we continued on, the snow became more prevalent. And the snow invovled us tiptoeing across an 8" strip of wet pavement between thick snow and plunging canyon depths. After several of these we came to a portion that was blocked off for at least a hundred feet to the next turn and presumably beyond. We stopped there for a while before we headed back.

I led on the way back, and I kept things tame - going back to the newness and fear stuff. As we headed down the larger road, the first 2 or three cars either moved to the side to let us pass ot turned somewhere else. But then we came up to the back of a BMW X5 SUV. We came up to his tailpipe quickly, and then instead of moving over, he took off. Impressively, following behind this person saw us turning up the pace from what we were doing before, but it also lowered the stakes because I knew that whatever it could do, I could, too. This relaxing feature of the chase gave me time enough to see the rushing stream next to me - and it was stunning. Then I looked back to the road.

The guy must have lived on the road somewhere, because he only hit his brakes once while I chased him, and it was quite the road with even a few blind turns. At the bottom, I pulled right behond him as he turned down the road, and I blasted behind him, passing him on the left. Matt and I never saw him again as we zipped out, but we both decide the Bimmer dude was awesome. I guess Matt has ridden that road a lot, and he said he had never seen anybody on 4 wheels take that road that fast before. So props to the Bimmer.

It is really incredible to take 85 mph turns leaning a ways, and it sticks with you. The endorphins chased away a lot of stress. The only real downside is the noise - I should have brought earplugs because that was stinkin loud.

Matt and I stopped where we started - at the gas station by the stadium. After reliving the better parts of the ride, and celebrating the X5 some more, we discussed fun issues with having babies - his wife is due for their first next month, and went home. And it was awesome.

Motostatus

So I sold my motorcycle a couple of weeks ago for considerably less than I could have a year ago. I would miss it more, except a friend let me borrow his bike for a month while he is in Jersey for a month.

I am currently riding a 2002 Kawasaki ZX-7R 750cc bullet bike. The thing is capable of being a monster, but it can also be quite benign. Theoretically, it is capable of 171 mph, but I have not yet topped 100. It was once a bright, iridescent orange with tinges of yellow from certain angles. Now it largely still is the same, but with some sun-faded salmony-pink spots.

I will be posting pictures at some point, but I will just share some impressions now. The thing is fast. It flat scoots. I don't exactly know how to launch a bike properly, and I don't want to do that to my friend's bike he is so generously lending to me, so I just take off slowly from a standstill and roll on the throttle once underway. And then the magic happens.

Riding the Zx-7R down the street is rather like how I would imagine puttering a full-blown racing car around town. It handles plenty sweetly at normal, sane speeds, and the engine works great at low revs and small throttle openings. The on-off throttle transition, sometimes snatchy on fuel-injected bikes, is smooth as silk thanks to the old, tried and tested carburetion. This of course means that mornings after chilly nights requiring pulling the choke lever, but it gets warm enough for low-speed operation quickly.

With the bike in a relatively high gear and with relatively low revs, the engine pulls hard when the time comes to pass someone. It accelerates in exactly the same way I would ideally want a car to do in normal traffic. If I want to get around someone, I just get past them with no shifting - regardless of whether some ego trip sees them wanting me to not pass them. If I let the revs climb, acceleration goes from quick to manic.

A few times, I have let the revs zoom past 10,000, and it gets scary. My vision goes tunnel-ly, adrenaline pumps, and I split my vision between the road and making sure the revs don't pass the 12,500 rpm redline. The engine peaks at 126 hp somewhere in the upper reaches there, and I can feel every one of them ponies. The chassis is solid and comfortable, but it is rather heavy by today's standards which all but disappears at speed.

Shifting gears is beautiful on the Kawi. The gearbox feels accurate and positive, although when it warms up, I sometimes shift into neutral instead of 1st or 2nd. I haven't done much fun turning, but I hope to hit up Squaw Peak Road this weekend with some buddies. What I have done has shown me that the bike likes to turn and likes leaning. If I was more of a rider with real riding pants on my own bike, the width of the bike would probably prove a liability. This is easily the widest bike I have ridden yet. That said, I don't expect to scratch the peg feelers anytime too soon.

It has an almost bizarre feeling in the turns; it feels comfortable and yet unstable at the same time. It feels good to turn, but it always feels ready for something different like it doesn't want to do steady-state cornering. The steering is a little heavy, but so am I, and I don't mind applying a little heft to the bars to get the machine cranked over.

It is fun to put some work into a little ride and get some adrenaline pumping, and then come back down to earth. I like to get a little scared at the intimidating acceleration, and come home and have a neighbor casually ask how things are going. In my mind, I am thinking about the intensity of the experience I just had, but it can't be related. I say, "I'm good," kind of chuckling to myself about how excited I feel or felt. I didn't really have any idea what kind of performance was actually available for any old punk with the jonesing to go fast.

I know some gullible, trusting people who let me ride some intense machinery. The irony is that the bikes people don't let me ride are generally far tamer than the ones I can borrow for an extended time. I can't fault anybody for not wanting a still relatively inexperienced yahoo on their baby, but the paradox is startling. That said, having friends who let me ride extreme near-race bikes for a month at a time more than makes up for it.

New Title

So I just changed the name of my blog to "Rants about whatever." This will be among the first to illustrate the reduction in focus.

Can I get some feedback on how socialist our country is going so quickly? We just had the first 100 days of Obama. People keep pointing to how incredible it is that we have a black president. So what?!?! Who cares about his skin color and ethnicity? If you like it or not, you have some bigotry issues. I see only red when he speaks. With a gold hammer and sickle.

100 days has brought huge amounts of banking control under the oligarchy's control. 100 days saw the start of the process of our country's leaders taking control of on of the biggest segments within. Good for the American people? What do they know? These people have a history of politicking and lobbying and compromising and embellishing and sneaking. They don't know engineering. They don't know design. They sure don't know chemistry and physics and apparently economics. They don't even know geography and agriculture. Why are they sticking their grubby hands in all of it?

America became great through some laissez faire thinking with some small amount of regulation. Communist Russia and the Eastern Bloc fell through government totalitarianism and micromanagement. Emulating those great icons of self-serviance will get us nowhere good.

How is it that so many young people in America who are so interested, supposedly, in individual freedom, choice, and individuality jumped so eagerly on the bandwagon? Obama, when he wanted kids to listen, spoke constantly of "change" with little specifics. When he spoke specifically, he spoke of government hands-on. Our budget deficit was bad before, but look what the Obamination has provided ALREADY!

Why is not more of the country fearing for every last liberty when Obamadministration steamrolls ideals and rights they claim inhibit the "greater good?" We believe in a privatized economy for some very real reasons. We believe in the 1st and 2nd Amendments for even more easily understandable reasons. We need to protect all of our rights from invasive government. The Constitution was not ratified until those first 10 were included. Why remove guns from the hands and practice of law-abiding citizens? Because non-gun-enthusiasts think it is ridiculous? How do they think that disarming good people will protect good people? Bad people are already getting guns.

And Janet Napolitano? Really?!?! This is the woman who, as governor of Arizona, faced a $90 Million deficit. Did she consider how to cut spending? No! She brought in tons of traffic cameras to violate the basic rights of her constituents to have them bankroll her overspending. Now she runs Homeland Security. She is busy telling law enforcement agencies to beware veterans because of their supposed higher risk of joining terrorist groups. Then, she can't bring herself to say that Islamic Jihadists are the ones we are fighting in Asia right now. And, this just in, she is apparently on the shortlist for the soon-to-be-vacant Supreme Court Justice position. Oh yeah, and she released and retracted her very awesome Domestic Extremism Lexicon. Lou Dobbs was something south of shy in demanding she be fired along with all others involved with the lexicon this evening on his show. I tend to agree - she seems to be one of a long list of nutcases placed in positions of dangerous power by a "leader" obsessed with changing things that haven't been changed yet.

I am fine with change when it needs changing. Well, I am fine with it provided it is changed properly. A sick person ought to have his status changed - but not by killing him. That is change, all right, but rather extreme. Yes, the auto industry needs change. What American businesses do not need, however, is high-level meddling. Their own corporate structure had too much meddling with too little front-line empowerment. As a trained manufacturing engineer, I have leaned about how to improve organizations quite a lot, and mighty Toyota effected great change on a micro scale by empowering every Toyota employee to change. All those micro changes netted the most powerful automotive company today. A certain one of the Big 3 incorporated some of that philosophy with a healthy dose of Dr. Deming, and Ford is the healthiest of the American automakers.

We want change? We need every available American on-board to make it happen. It needs to happen from the bottom-up, and we need to stop trying to do it the other way around before we cause irreparable damage. Or better yet, we need to change our perspective and see America as a group of individuals who are held up by organizations below and then go top-down. President Obama has an important position at the bottom of that teetering triangle, and he needs to assist the rest of us to be what we need to. He doesn't need to play puppet-master.

Check out Dr. Deming - he is very impressive.

Moto update

On different note entirely from below, my bike is listed. Also, I had a sweet idea regarding the seat for my next bike. I want to make it from some pretty figured hardwood. I would especially like to make it from some book-matched flame/curly maple. I have also considered clear-lacquered purpleheart. If I do maple, I am torn between the idea of a transparent bright blue finish or a straight clear finish. The blue, done right, would have an iridescent look that would sparkle, but the light creamy color of the natural wood is beautiful and would make a sweet contrast to the rest of the bike.

I would make the whole bike black except for the wheels. I would make them bright blue. The seat would either be blue maple or creamy maple. Blue flame maple is AWESOME. Anyway, it would be ridiculously sweet no matter how you spin it.

Close-minded rant about close-minded people

So I only recently discovered Lou Dobbs, and I like his stance on the 2nd amendment. However, today I was watching as he was covering a story in Texas involving the state legislature passing a bill changing the language of public school science books to merely imply that macro evolution might not be correct.

First off, to be perfectly clear, I have real issues with common ancestry. Natural selection and localized adaptation is fine with me, and I get warm fuzzies regarding the same. I am not saying that I know for a fact that Darwinian evolution did not happen, but I don't think it did. If I come across what I consider irrefutable evidence, I am open to reconsider.

I think it is astounding that some so-called atheists have so much faith in some utterly ridiculous "theories." They could honestly teach Judeo-Christian and Muslim people a thing or two about blind faith. The Big Bang Theory - fine, ok. Whatever. But spontaneous life? Really?!? The theories I have heard from people who have proclaimed to think their way away from religion are mind-blowing. I heard one guy saying some organic compounds piggy-backing on mutating growing crystals may have made life. One guy, the author of a book called The God Delusion, actually said - straight-faced, ming you - that perhaps some earlier race of super-intelligent beingsmay have made life before disappearing from view. Than he reiterated how ridiculous the idea of a Supreme Being must seem to intelligent, non-stupid people. I am not a swearer, but WTF?

Our country has some crazy kind of bigotry and autocratic sqaushing of ideas. You can teach whatever you want about the origin of life and the universe as long as there is nothing intelligent or sentient in the mix. I recently watched a documentary (Expelled, by Ben Stein - wonderful if you want to know) that presented an interesting case for the black-balling and ostracism of academics and educators who even suggest the notion of Intelligent Design. Admittedly, the show was a viewpoint, and it did not pretend to present the "truth" about the origin of everything. Stein wanted only to illuminate the prevalent practice of ripping on proponents of Intelligent Design.

People who believe that evolution is not perfectly solid and gospel are painted by the "best and brightest" as stupid, ignorant, and *gasp* even religious! Did you know that religion makes all subscribers mindless zombie zealots? Who are the perpetrators of this garbage? Think of a large scientific organization or publication. Yep, them too. Now think of a not-directly-Christian-university. Also them. The National Science Foundation. The Smithsonian Institute. State and Federal governments. The wool is being pulled by loud hands.

One talking head on Lou Dobbs tonight from the University of Texas complained that the mention that evolution is not a perfectly sufficient explanation of life and the mention that other plausible theories may, in fact, be plausible meant the advocate of such must be religious. He said that the proposed law in Texas was a ploy by proponents of ID to promulgate religion. Really?!? WTF?

There is a lot of freedom in our country. There are some weird "freedoms" ever threatening to be allowed. Somehow, though, science is not allowed freedom. It has a very Communist vibe to me. You can teach and study whatever you want as long as you tow the party line. You would think that science and technology are given nearly free rein, but not only are people reined in; they are cut off.

I am fine with evolution being taught IF the holes are taught, too. If scientists are so sure of what is, they will NEVER find anything that contradicts. Evolution is not a complete theory, and people far smarter than me have pointed out way better issues than I am capable of. I point to things like quantized "species," no continuous fossil record of ANYTHING, the ridiculous nature of radio-carbon dating, and all the assumptions that cannot be applied to everything.

If the things we assume are constants really are, then what about the moon? It is moving away from the earth at a constant rate. When the dinosaurs were here "65 million years ago" (I doubt and question everything), the moon would have been attached to the earth. I certainly doubt that. The earth's rotation is slowing, too. Again, back in the dino-days, the earth would have been spinning so fast as to send some dino-satellites to exit velocity. More of the doubt here.

Our knowledge is so tenuous and based on faulty research and assumptions of so many people with like agendas that I don't believe an honest thinker can do anything but ask the tough questions. So what if it turns out we don't know as much as we thought? Does it change how much we know? NO! Only how much we know we know - and that couldn't matter any less.

I fully plan on having my kids indoctrinated with counter-indoctrination. Maybe their teachers won't like them. I want my girls to have the satisfaction of searching for real fact and truth and never settling for the status quo. People need to ask questions. Not buying macro-evolution does not mean you think that the earth and everything on it was created in 6 24-hour periods. I think that idea is a bit preposterous and unfounded, really. Sure, if the Bible was originally in English, you could be excused to buying into that notion, but it wasn't.

What can we do? Can I take on the establishment and have my voice heard? Probably not. No, I'm gonna go with definitely not. Can a bunch of precocious children, students, readers, voters, and citizens make their voices heard? Absolutely. I don't honestly expect much in my life. It will not be my life's work. I fully intend to be more focused on making fast cars faster than on dispelling myths about the clientele of ID's real tenets.

Quick little connected global warming soapbox: I am so sick of hearing athletes and movie stars tell me that man is responsible for global warming or climate change or whatever the experts are calling it these days. I am even tired of hearing that oil is from dinosaurs or any other living thing as a fact when the FACT is we don't know. Accept it. Be responsible with resources and pollution, too. It can all work in harmony together. Love earth, but it give it some credit, too.

Remember, April 22 is earth day. Show some love.

My motorcycle

So I think I have reached the end of an era. I am thinking about selling my motorcycle to reduce debt and to upgrade. I told myself when I bought my bike that I am a big boy, and I don't need some petty fast bike to race around on like a little kid. I think I must have lied to myself because I am pretty sure that I do need at least a faster bike.

It is a bit disconcerting that I cannot outrun any car on the road if the driver doesn't want me to. I am not talking about racing or escaping after cutting them off and ticking them off. I just mean that when a situation gets sketchy, I like to have the ability to speed, slow, or turn my way out of it. I like having my options open. My bike's brakes are workable, but they are not meant to stop the bike with someone nearly the same weight as the bike riding it if there is any sort of speed or urgency involved repeatedly.

It has been fun with my brand new bike, but I also see a fallacy in my initial logic. I bought a brand new Japanese motorcycle and got an extended warranty. The bike hasn't had the remotest hiccup. It could be 20 years old and the warranty would still be pointless. It is no good to me - at no fault of its own. I just took about a week and a half before it occurred to me that I was ready for more engine.

The bike I hope to get if all goes well will be a project bike. It is about 15-16 years old, and was quite the sporty piece in its day. Today it is considered slow. I have ridden bikes that make it look like an old, ugly scooter. P.S. It is ugly. Nee - it is hideous by my reckoning. But I have big plans...

I want to turn it into something known as a streetfighter. Streetfighters are essentially sportbikes that are stripped of their bodywork and given some minor exterior tweaks for form and/or function. I plan, if it works out, to work on it for the whole time I would own it to make it look awesome.

I think I have said on here before that motorcycles do weird things to me. I never really have the desire to gussy-up the looks of a car. I really want a Miata, but I want it to stay ugly and girly - if only for the shock value. With bikes, some at least, I actually want to do some things that are strictly for the aesthetic value - and that is counter to my previous MO.

I am thinking I may want to put on a single high-mount bar versus the clip-ons. That serves a purpose as I would get to sit upright and be more comfortable and make it easier to ride on the street. I have some cool plans for the headlights, and the current ones need to go. Beyond that, I want to work on small half cosmetic, half functional pieces like a mini fairing for the radiator and a belly pan to protect the exhaust pipes. As for the exhaust, I am not sure how to change - I only know that I must eventually. No one did exhausts right in the 80-90's.

I would paint the frame some solid color to either match or contrast what little bodywork I leave. I want to chop the tail or retrofit a tail from some other sportbike that doesn't look so repulsive. I would paint or powdercoat the wheels to stand out and look awesome. If I did chop the tail, I would remove the passenger seat (known for some reason as a pillion).

I would definitely find some ways to make the bike really practical - like maybe have a foldout rack behind the single seat with bungee net hooks. Perhaps I" would mount little hooks around the tank for a bungee net up on top of that, too. I would carry tools to help people stranded on the road, and it would be cool to carry trash bags and trash-grabber things.

That reminds me of the club I want to start: Motorcyclists Who Do Good Things. We would do things like trash clean up partly because it is nice to help, and partly because it would be nice to depropagandize the general populace about motorcycles and the people who ride them. I talked about it today with a couple of friends who ride motorcycles today, and they said they would be in. We could do a little service project to cap off a ride. I think it would be kinda fun!

Anyway, congratualtions if you made it this far.