Friday, November 14, 2008


So . . . 

Morgan (my brother-in-law - just in case there is another person reading this besides him and Carrie) read my last post, and he commented saying that he actually liked my pretending to be a motorcycle writer. Naturally, I was encouraged when I read that. Perhaps I will write more than once every other month or so. 

There is a writer for Automobile magazine who is my favorite writer in the world with J. K. Rowlings coming in second. His name: Ezra Dyer, and he has his own column entitled "Dyer Consequences" that is just fantastic. I commonly force Carrie to read it, and I even got my mom chuckling reading it while she was out here. My mom chuckling about a guy driving a Lamborghini - truly a testament that Ezra Dyer is more than a car writer. I don't know my point in saying this other than to subliminally persuade you all to read his stuff.

Anyway, at the times when I get all write-y, I would love some good blasting feedback from the snobs among you to develop my writing chops. Please understand this going in (if it is not painfully clear by simply knowing me): I am sarcastic and/or joking at all times. But Carrie, Chanda, Jennifer, Morgan (that is the complete list of people I know have looked at my blog), if you like anything, or especially hate anything, I would be jiggled to hear about it.

So - I went to SEMA last week. SEMA is the Specialty Equipment and Marketing Association which is basically the organization of the makers of absolutely everything a person can buy for their car or truck after they buy the car or truck. It would have been hellish torture for people who have even a mild interest in cars, but euthanasia for most of my relatives. Seriously, if almost any of my siblings, in-laws, or parents were very sick but did not feel comfortable with pulling life support or taking a more pro-active approach, I could take them to the SEMA show under the guise of bonding at the end, and upon sight of the Las Vegas Convention Center bedecked with truckloads of car-ish paraphernalia, the eyes would close for the last time, and the last breath would be an indignant, frustrated sigh. I would get past it quickly, though, because they have Lamborghinis there!!!

Anyway, the show is not merely a show to say - look! new cars! It has companies that make fast cars faster, slow trucks slower and stupider, and mundane things eye-blindingly flashy. Sometimes, a booth like Pirelli tires will have some race cars and maybe a Lamborghini Reventon just to say "We make tires that people put on these. Imagine how much awesomeness will rub off on you if you put our crappy all-season tires on your Corolla." For the perceptive among you, Lamborghini is a oddly long and Italian name prevalent today. Seeing the Reventon was hard-hitting.

There was some seriously awesome machinery and products there, but it turns out that actually cool things are the diamond in the rough. For every functional turbo kit, there was a Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe convertible on some 24" wheels. For every real piece of aerodynamic coolness, there was a Hummer on 32" or bigger wheels. I got a picture of a 42" wheel!!! That is 3 1/2 feet of metal hoop waiting to rupture the kidneys and herniate the spinal discs of the fool who puts a set of wheels like that on their car.

Slammed old hot rods and brightly painted supercars with ridiculous wheels, and scandalous "models" were everywhere. Luckily, there was enough rough to provide plenty of Diamonds. I saw a Ducati Desmosedici RR motorcycle ($72,000 for the most awesome/extreme road-going bike on the planet), some cool new Hyundais (past me wants to reach forward in time and pimp slap future me - but they are cool and good cars now - some of them), a Formula1 car, Travis Pastrana's Rally America car, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Corvettes (including 1 of the new ZR1's - the most expensive and extreme Corvette e er), Aston Martins, Daytona Prototype Race cars, Nissan GTRs, etc. 

When it comes down to it, though, I was wanting more. I am not sure what else I wanted, but I could have handled some seat time with it, I suppose. Maybe I was just disgusted with the wretched bling excess. Maybe I wanted to meet some of my racing or tuning heroes from recent times or past glory days. Or maybe, I just wanted to see my ultimate dream car: the McLaren F1. There is no substitute - forget that Porsche propaganda. I loved that Lambo, though. I should have some pictures at some point soon.

Well, this has been scatterbrained and a little fun. Enjoy!

1 comment:

Brian said...

ok, first of all, no bad mouthing porsche!! And second of all, its true, Brian's mom did laugh at the Ezra Dyer column. I found that in itself extremely amusing! And as for all that other stuff you said about cars and ditto! Plus, you still need to get past you to pimp slap yourself for the whole hyundai issue! oops this is actually Carrie posting.